Guys,
With the last post, I received few good and inspiring feedbacks which motivated me to provide you the next improved attempt. This one is a serious one (you are not allowed to laugh this time). I have put a lot of work in this though it may not seem at the outset. It is the first time, I am realizing how the simple words can express so deep and intense feelings.
A couple had got married 6 months back. The poem is meant to express the feelings of the widow after the recent demise of her husband.
What to look for :-
1. The intensity of the emotions increasing with each para.
2. Use of simple words to generate the emotions.
बीती यादें, मीठी यादें,
अधरों पे हँसी, लाती यादें|
कच्चे वादे, कोरे वादे,
कभी ना होंगे, पूरे वादे||
तनहा रातें, सूनी रातें,
सन्नाटे से, करती बातें|
भीगी आंखें, गीली आंखें,
नमी से धुंधली, तकती आंखें||
बिन तुम जैसे, निष्प्राण हूँ मैं,
जिंदा लेकिन, बेजान हूँ मैं|
आना चाहती हूँ, पास वहाँ,
जाने फिर क्यों, चलती साँसे||
जाने फिर क्यों, चलती साँसे||
-मधुसूदन
क़्वांटम 'मैं'
-
घर के अंदर आग जल रही है
भरी हुयी केतली उबल रही है
केतली में पानी है
पानी में उठते बुलबुले
बुलबुलों के अंदर हवा
मैं फिर से शून्यता में खो गया !
बुलबुलों के...
4 years ago
5 comments:
oye ..pehle vaali zyaada achchhi thi :P
pehle vaali zyaadaa achchi thi :P
I was expecting emotions of a widower . but of course, widowers hardly emote, i guess. Instead they are too pleased to find themselves a new bride, so shouldn't have expected :D
~ Kanchan
@ Kanchan -
Ofcourse! You have to be practical in whatever you do, be it a poem or something else :D
@ Arpit -
Arey yaar.. dil tod diya :(
Sacchai hameshaa bolni nahin chahiye.
You could have waited for some days atleast.. :P
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